Hurt

The hardest lesson for anyone to learn is, the lord knows best. We start learning it when we are in primary and when we die we still don’t really know. We have to know that he sees the whole pictures.

I know that I really should keep a journal along with my blog but one thing at a time right. However, I want my kids to know that parents go through hard time too. I knew that growing up but I also through, your adult nothing can really hurt you, or you have already gone through it so it is no big deal WRONG. We have gone through more hurt so our hurt opens up old hurt and we hurt more.

Story, Greg and I have been married for almost 5 year, which I may add have been some of the 5 years of my life. We have been tried to get pregnant for almost 3 year. Greg really wanted to start having kids a year after we were married but I was not ready. I stayed on the pill, bad idea. Now after 3 years of trying we cannot get pregnant. On April 13 we went to the doctor to see if everything inside of me looked good. The doctor found an egg that was dropping. He had Greg give me a shot of HCG. That was a funny story in its self since I HATE needles and Greg felt really bad for having to hurt me. It took us about 5 mins to get the shot done. I keep crying then Greg would start Counting 1 2 then stop I cannot do this. We finally got it done, but my butt hurt for 3 days. Back to the doctor and the egg, after the shot we had to wait 48 hours to do Artificial Insemination, we did our first round 4/16/2011.  I am not going to go into detail ask me yourself, and if you are old enough I might tell you more. Needless to say we had to wait two week before we could take a pregnancy test. I actually cheated and took one on Easter Sunday just one week later. We happen to be out my parents and I wanted an Easter surprise if it was positive, it was not. Then 15 days after Artificial Insemination, I started. However, it was really light and they had told me I could do a little spotting. I thought no big deal. I did cry a little but I still wanted to take a test, the next day, Sunday. Sunday came I took a test and negative. This is where my wonderful Greg comes into play. He just held for 3 hours and let me cry. We did not end up making it to church because I could not stop crying. All day I would think of something and cry. It opened up every pain I had ever felt, I really feel like this is mostly my fault because I was the one that was not ready and countered taking the pill, did I really mess up my body for life? Greg loves me no matter what and he will always love me no matter what.

I know that someday I will read this and look at the beautiful faces of my kids but I want them to know how much I love them and how hard it was to get them. I would and did do everything to get them here. They are my life. I loved them before I even meet them.